It's the final night of our week long vacation in Vegas. Our trip has been so much fun with so much shopping, seeing the lights at night, great food, shopping, KA Show, New York New York roller coaster, shopping, tattoo, casinos, buffets, more shopping, getting lost finding our way around Vegas, walking the strip, and did I say shopping? I think my fiancé had the time of her life here. She knows how to shop. (-.-) She loved the big city life atmosphere. She didn't like the driving even though she didn't drive. The traffic here is crazy and it's hard to find your way around. Slowly I got use to driving and finding our way around. The city is so messy, there are so many people handing out escort cards, pamphlets, cd demos, club tickets, and other rubbish scattered all over the place. We did get to do some things that I wanted to do. We both got matching tattoos. I got to watch the Bellagio fountains, Mirage volcano, and ate dinner on top the stratosphere with the women I love. The whole trip with her was the greatest days of my life. I will never forget this week. So here I am lying in bed exhausted from this long day walking the strip. Watching my fiancé sleep right next to me makes me feel like the luckiest man in the world. She told me that she every night she tried to put the blanket on me whenever she felt me freezing at night. I thought that was the sweetest thing I've ever heard.i love her so much and I don't know what I'm gonna do when she moves an island away from me.

Me: Hey sexy lady!

Fiance: Hey love

Me: I'm just thinking of you. I get sad every time I think about June 10th. I wanna be strong, happy, and supportive of you. I never thought I'd be this emotional but it just hurts thinking you won't be a drive away from me. I love you sweeitie with all my heart.

==

She called me after that text. I was still wiping my tears from trying to write that text. Then when I heard her voice on the phone, I couldn't help but tear up. I could hear her choke up on the phone. I knew she couldn't hold in her tears but at the same time I didn't mean to make her feel that way while at work. At that moment I just wanted to be next to her, drying her tears and holding her tight, I knew she loved me.

As much as I had a wonderful time with the person I love the most, it hurts every time I think (or even see) about those messages. Every time I think about the things she said about us recently has been hard to really believe.

Today was such a beautiful day with my beautiful other half, except for the passing showers right after I hung my clothes on the line. We took a road trip up the mountain for a nice lunch. The weather up there was a little cloudy but still cooler than if we had lunch downtown. Have you ever felt what its like to get your pores taken out with just your nails? Thats one of the most painful things I've had to endure ever...its torture. We returned home and lounged out watching 'Armywives' on Netflix. She is hooked on that series. I can't complain though, watching some of those episodes with her and the show really gets you into it. We talked about our incoming trip to Las Vegas, we're really excited about that. I know I can't wait.

You ever noticed someone just going through the motions? The things they do or say doesn't feel like it use to be. The time together slowly disintegrates less and less. And the times spent feels through the motion.

I hate work days when the time goes by ridiculously slow. It feels like hours have gone by and when I check the clock, 10 minutes only went by. I was over watching Youtube videos and most of the sites are blocked because of my work place likes to block every site. Luckily the guitar tab sites aren't blocked, I printed out a lot of guitar tabs. In fact, my fingers feel raw from playing my guitar trying to practice some of the songs.

My fiance and I did a 30 minute jog/walk which felt good. Haven't exercised in a while ever since my knee injury a month or two back. After out jog/walk we lounged in the house and watched "The Kite Runner", such a good movie. Then had dinner with the fiance's family, lots of good food for a regular night. Almost finished Kite Runner but I had to go so I could get some rest.

Good night Xanga!

I have a problem, I want to sleep early like around 10ish but a few hours later I go to bed thinking to myself what happened to sleeping earlier.

Oh well good night.

Its been a while since I last posted. Things have been really emotional. I've never ever had so many emotions at once in my life until now. Worried, jealousy, anger, betrayed, trusting, confused, empty, useless, unworthy, and sad.

The weather is weird, its oddly cold at night. But I slept good the past couple cold nights.

I just wish we didn't have to be so far away every night. =(

I feel a little better knowing what was said. But there's always that voice that's tells me "what if?" I want to believe. No..I need to believe. No wait..I will believe.